Society Review: Kelowna

Nestled in the famed Okanagan Valley, Kelowna is often described by tourist handbooks and well-paid testimonial-givers to be the Jewel of British Columbia. Most of the town is lakefront, it's always sunny, and there's lots of money floating around. Technically, this is all true.

Most of the nice parts of town are lakefront. Everywhere else, although still expensive, has wonderful names like "Rutland", where people go when they can't afford to live someplace decent. The downtown core, where we somehow live, is full of $90,000 cars and $90,000 women. There are people with one child driving a Yukon Denali. There are post-midlife men driving penises... I mean, Porches. You know the cars that are 75% hood and 25% bucket seat. There's hundreds and thousands of teenagers with enough money to look like they think they're supposed to and not find anything wrong with paying $300 for pre-ripped pre-soiled jeans or a t-shirt that clearly doesn't fit.

Kelowna is a small town with enough money to delude itself into thinking it's the big city, and of people keep on believing it, one day it's going to come true. Naturally, we're leaving now and beating the rush.